Just plain humour. Well you gotta have a laugh now and then don't
you?
A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere.
- Groucho Marx
After extensive research, I have determined that cats do have nine lives.
But this has made for some awkward moments on the autopsy table since
you can never really tell which life is nine.
- David James
Anything on the ground is a cat toy. Anything not there yet, will be.
- Anonymous
Cat: a soft indestructible automaton provided by nature to be kicked
when things go wrong in the domestic circle.
- Ambrose Bierce
Cats aren't clean, they're just covered with cat spit.
- John S. Nichols
Cats instinctively know the precise moment their owners will awaken...then
they awaken them ten minutes earlier.
- Jim Davis
Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect.
- Steven Wright
Curiosity was framed. Ignorance killed the cat.
- Anonymous
Free to a good home - female cat or husband.
- Anonymous
"Husband says either he goes or cat goes.
Cat fixed, husband isn't.
- Ad in the Flint, Michigan Weekly World News"
I gave my cat a bath the other day. He just sat there. Actually, I think
he enjoyed it. It wasn't very fun for me, though. The fur kind of stuck
to my tongue.
- Steve Martin
I got rid of my husband. The cat was allergic.
- Anonymous
I think my favorite thing in the house has to be the cat...mainly because
she's just like a big piece of noisy Velcro when you toss her at the sofa.
- Michelle Argabrite
If one owns a pretty cat, it's best to avoid the furrier.
- Jacob Cats
Ignorant people think it's the noise which fighting cats make that is
so aggravating, but it ain't so; it's the sickening grammar they use.
- Mark Twain
I'm not much of a cook. My favorite thing to make from scratch is a purr.
- Anonymous
"LAW OF CAT INERTIA -
A cat at rest will tend to remain at rest, unless acted upon by some outside
force, such as the opening of cat food, or a nearby scurrying mouse.
LAW OF CAT MOTION -
A cat will move in a straight line, unless there is a really good reason
to change direction.
LAW OF PILL REJECTION -
Any pill given to a cat has potential energy to reach escape velocity."
- Anonymous
Managing senior programmers is like herding cats.
- Dave Platt
My husband said it was him or the cat. I miss him sometimes.
- Anonymous
Nature abhors a vacuum, but not as much as cats do.
- Lee Entrekin
Never hold a dustbuster and a cat at the same time.
- Anonymous
One of the most striking differences between a cat and a lie is that
a cat has only nine lives.
- Mark Twain
Or as Schroedinger's wife once said, "What did you do to the cat?
It looks half dead."
- Anonymous
Outside of a cat, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a cat, it's
too dark to read.
- Sign at Lilac Hedge Bookshop, Norwich, VT
Question: What about the way cats claw the upholstery?
Answer: Learn to like fringe!
- Missy Dizick
The cat is a dilettante in fur.
- Theophile Gautier
The clever cat eats cheese and breathes down rat holes with baited breath.
- W. C. Fields
They say a cat always lands on his feet, but they don't mention the pain.
- (as Garfield the cat) Jim Davis
To err is human, to purr feline.
- Robert Byrne
We need a word for all the kitty-prints that are all over my windshield
because the cats like to lie on my hood when the car is still warm.
- Megan Coughlin
You know when people see a cat's litter box, they always say, "Oh,
have you got a cat?" Just once I want to say, "No, it's for
company!"
- Anonymous
Cats do care. For example they know instinctively what time we have to
be at work in the morning and they wake us up twenty minutes before the
alarm goes off.
- Michael Nelson
I found out why cats drink out of the toilet. My mother told me it's
because the water is cold in there. And I'm like: How did my mother know
that?
- Wendy Liebman
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